Leslie Jaseph- Northern Region

Northern Region – Leslie Jaseph

He was a man troubled by his past sins, unsure that God’s forgiveness applied even to him. A physically abusive alcoholic, reformed as he became older. An adult confirmand, turned away by hurtful hypocrisy. An adulterer who maintained a hidden double life (and child) for several years.

This was my father, a man desperately distanced from his Lord. Yet God used my dad to bring me closer to Him than ever.

I was a Lutheran from the womb. My mother’s parents, German immigrants, helped start a church in their town when they moved from Philadelphia to Hialeah, Florida in the 1940’s. I cannot remember a time when we did not attend church. I have always felt a connection to my Lord.

But perhaps there was complacency at times; something felt when we have never had to do without. I started volunteering in the nursery when I was ten, then Sunday school, Vacation Bible School, and for anything else I was asked. I enjoyed helping share the Gospel message of salvation, particularly with children. After all, that’s where it starts, Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it Proverbs 22:6 (ESV). 

My mother was my faith life role model, like so many families. She was church soloist, and possessor of an unshakeable faith. 

My father did not attend church except for special occasions: graduations, confirmations, weddings. He had attended church as a child, and again as an adult, but after a very unchristian like experience with a fellow member, he backed away. He came to view church goers as unforgiving, “holier-than-thou” people. I didn’t think of wondering about his personal faith life. I was a child. People went to church or they didn’t. I did not understand the desire to be with God and others in worship. Remember, it was never a choice.

As the years passed, my relationship with my father changed, as it does when a child becomes an adult. Parents are no longer seen as infallible. Choices they have made are questioned. A new relationship is forged, adult to adult, and this may be uncomfortable for both sides. Honesty and truth appear perhaps for the first time, and this can create distance in a relationship. This was true with the father I had always adored.

About a year after Jamie and I were married, I found out my father had a six year old daughter from a long term relationship. This created a difficult situation for me. I had always been close to my dad. Our personalities were similar; we saw things the same way. But this created a distance between us. I had to support my mother as my parents divorced. Within a year, my father married the mother of his younger daughter. How could he have done all this? He knew right and wrong. It just reminded me of the distance he had created between himself and God.

Dad and I kept in touch by phone now and them, but nothing was the same. We weren’t as close as we had once been. After our first son was born, I made the effort to take him to see his grandfather. They were uncomfortable visits, with my father’s other family.

The summer Philip turned one, my father was found to have widespread and inoperable cancer. At the age of 30, I was facing the death of a parent. Perhaps for the first time I was concerned about my father’s faith. Maybe because I was a parent myself, and was teaching Philip Bible songs and prayers. I realized that Dad needed to hear the words of “Jesus Loves Me”. I knew that his death without faith was the end of my hope of seeing him again one day. 

My father was afraid of dying, maybe because of his past. It was in his voice and on his face, nearly palpable when I would see him. I asked our pastor to visit Dad and share words of comfort and hope, knowing it would provide the same for me. Pastor Ken was faithful in his time with Dad, and my father would always say he knew that Jesus was his Savior when he was prompted. But I wondered if he truly believed that.

That fall the day came that changed my father’s and my life in a profound way. The Holy Spirit worked so powerfully in him that he could not keep God at a distance any longer. Pastor Ken called to tell me Dad had made a personal profession of faith, and that he was able to accept full forgiveness for his sins. I remember it so clearly: Philip was napping when I received the call, and the tears ran down my face.

For the last two months of his life, my father rested in God’s loving embrace, enjoying the assurance and hope I had prayed so hard for him to know. He bore an obvious look of peace. He asked me to forgive him for not being a better father, and I was able to tell him that I already had. When we would speak, he would recite the 23^rd Psalm and the Lord’s Prayer, something I had never witnessed before. Two weeks before Christmas, Dad went home to his Lord. He was 60 years old.

I have often told this story, and I frequently relive it in my heart and mind. Sharing the message of salvation through Jesus’ death and resurrection is not just for children. It needs to be retold as often as someone can hear it. My father gained something he had never truly lost. And I gained the assurance of God’s grace and mercy for a child of His who had taken for granted all His blessings bestowed without merit. That child is me.

We are blessed by Leslie's "yes" when asked

 to share a piece of her faith journey story.

Strong lives are often tempered in refining fires.

 Leslie is the Director of Community Outreach,

 Lutheran Mission Society, Baltimore, MD.
 Leslie worships at St. Paul's Lutheran Church, Annapolis, MD.

She can be reached at LJaseph@aol.com.