Diane Guelzow- Southern Region

My Wandering Life 

Reading many of these beautiful posts makes me feel inadequate in many ways.  Let me explain. My life has always been wandering along God's Path, never seeing a clear vision up ahead, second guessing myself always, trying to figure out God's calling in my life...sort of living in the fog. My life has never been clear cut.  Perhaps I think too hard, reflect too long, second guess God too often.  So when I read the other blogs, life seems so clear to others, so easy...I struggle all the time.

As a right-brained thinker, I see life so vividly, so big and broad with endless possibilities.  I was born of parents who did not have a high school degree.  They were self-made individuals, my dad a sign painter and my mom a stay at home creator.  Both were imaginative beyond anyone I ever met. They were first-born individuals that moved from farms, my mom from Southern Illinois and my dad from Southern Missouri.  I hold their DNA in having respect for the land and for art.  A first-generation college degree from Concordia - Chicago, I taught in the Lutheran and public schools for 25 years and then took a break.

I continued education, earning a MA in counseling and expressive arts therapy.  I then went on to get my Ed.D in Educational Leadership.  Today, in my heart, I still am asking God for direction in my life. I look forward only to view fog.  It is in my looking back where I find the path...the trail...of God's guidance.  This is what I've learned in my many years...that God's plans are unknown to me and I rarely see success as it is happening.  I only see and feel success after the matter.

So my wisdom comes from experience.  God's hand is at work in me, even when I do not feel it, He's there.  I am still in the process of accepting his method with me.  I prefer to know what I am to do so that I can prepare for it and serve Him...well, perfectly.  However, He does not want it that way for me.  He wants me to DO and BE and leave the details of my life in His hands. When I look back in my life,  that's when I see God's work being done in my life.  And so...it comes to knowing and trusting God's invisible plan, the blank slate, going through the fog...that I obey Him. 

I guess God knows how resistant I am at times and unsure of myself that He provides me with missions and plans without telling me first, knowing that I'd run in the opposite direction.  He places me in situations and opportunities mysteriously where I am fooled into thinking that I am wandering around on this planet, only to be busy doing his mission. He's got me figured out quite well. Simply wonderful...my God.  So God, keep the fog coming.  I know now that you are leading the way, on each side of me, and right behind me.

Diane is a gifted retreat leader and loves putting together creative haven experiences for women.  She just might be who you are looking for to gather women together to explore God's Good Creation. 
She can be reached at dianeguelzow@gmail.com.